Poem About History

P,

Inspired by June Jordan’s “Poem About My Rights”

I am the history of my thoughts too loud I am the history of hysteria I am the history of nervous system breakdown I am the history of multiple identities I am the history of multi-sexuality hi-curiosity and straight privilege I am the history of my face a wall a don’t fuck with me I am the history of blaming myself for what he did I am the history of sexual abuse I am the history of secondary survivors I am the history of silence I am the history of Prozac and welbutrin and paxil I am the history of why are you so anxious because I am the history of silence of abuse of abusers of violence I am the history of privilege I am the history of too small so sweet small voice I am the history of doormat of crazy of okay I am the history of taking care of you you never me grandma wailing mom screaming I am the history of you. I am the history of choose why can’t you choose I am the history of apologies I am the history of hey baby’s I am the history of wanna fuck I am the history of your dick is not my fault I am the history of mouth shut making myself wrong of witness

But I do not consent to the voice that haunts me: you coward I do not consent to the secondary abuse I do not consent to feeling like a fraud I do not consent to your silence I do not consent to this is my fault I do not consent to berate myself at the bus stop in my coffee in my sheets at night I do not consent to the assault on my mind

My voice my heart my neurotransmitters are not wrong

They are my own my own my own

 

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