Not to be too demanding, but after further consideration I think I would like a Henry Sea more than a Henry Creek. Lately I have more pronounced ebbs and flows. Today I am wan. Listless even. Yesterday, last week, much of the same. I re-watched season one of Deadwood and then season one of The Wire. Blasphemy, I know, but Deadwood was I think better. And by a substantial margin (yet I still love the Wire). Do I recall correctly that you were not a fan of Deadwood? I wonder if I should think less of you now, or maybe I will just chalk it up to you “going through a stage.”
As you know, I have been trying to reconnect with The Man. Some days I purr right along and others I get lost before I begin. My tolerance for the general population, for managing others, has almost fully evaporated. I fully remember how to do all of the things I did before, but I struggle to convert that memory into use. Some days I feel like a helpless animal, unable to find food to feed itself. Maybe that is only self-pity? I assure you I eat well enough.
But then, some days I feel much like a shell. Like an imposter, if you get right down to it. I represent myself as a collection of ideas and thoughts (and silent claims), but of what once was me, and the world I then inhabited/navigated. It seems now I inhabit some other world, not this old one and not a new one either. Most days it is tiring to examine this new world and find place in it. On such days I wonder if I truly wish to be nowhere, in no world.(Isn’t there a better way to say that? It kind of popped up suddenly, and, well, there it is. I’ll not pull it out of there — though I might wish later that I had. Poet’s Creed, and all that.)
No bummerness intended. Just pushing out what’s been skulking about in there. I trust you know well enough what I speak of. And so I thank you for being there, wherever there might be at present, to receive such words. Where else would I send such a thing?
Once again reminded: Life takes, to paraphrase the aforementioned Al Swearingen. That is the one constant.
Try not to forget that.